apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
