wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
