do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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