Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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