I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize