dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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