U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
