i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Semen is not good for contacts.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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