I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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