Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
