Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
