I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
