It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
