I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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