Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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