sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
