you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
