We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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