There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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