Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
