Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
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