im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize