My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Do vagina's smell?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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