i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
