saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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