Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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