Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
