I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
