So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
organizing the empties. That sober.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
