I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
