well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
