I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
