I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
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I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
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The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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