I can't watch pbs sober anymore
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
