If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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