i will never coherently bang her
smell my finger.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My breath smells like gin and sadness
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
