She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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