My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
