I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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