my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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