I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
