please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
