Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
