Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
