shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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