nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
