I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
