so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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