I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
