All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
