you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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