It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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