I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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