By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There r osticjed everywhere
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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