bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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