So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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