why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
