he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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