Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
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I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
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Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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