Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
