So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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