life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
