I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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