I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
