Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
