Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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