Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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