you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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