I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
