best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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