I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's an acceptable place to lick
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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