Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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