I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
