Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
