I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
