I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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