wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
third nipple confirmed
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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