you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
