And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We don't watch enough power rangers
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
