its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
false alarm, still single
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
